Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
