big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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