She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am naked and annoyed.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
