btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
