whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
