does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
