you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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