can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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