And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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