he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
