he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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