I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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