I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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