i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
