there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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