I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
