Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
