fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
