Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
