sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Text me some of your sweat
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