we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
