One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.