How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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