why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."