Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.