So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
