guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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