If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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