Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
