yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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