If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
