yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
