U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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