is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize