if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
