Apparently you make a good broom.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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