the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
