I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize