maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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