you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
