so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
