I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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