I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
