I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
