Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
honey bunches of taint.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
