I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
