I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
