margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
