You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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