you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
