her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this beer tastes like vomit already
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
