Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I party with great urgency now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
