someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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