I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
