I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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