literally had 100 drinks last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
ttyl tear gas
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
