My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
