We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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