Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
