should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
