Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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