I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
These tits shall not be calmed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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