i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
