I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
