the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
