I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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