Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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