i can't believe i had my finger in that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I want to fling myself into the sun
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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