sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
