Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
